Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Insomnia. or something else?

I've always had problems sleeping. I mean, maybe not a problem but I tend to sleep not long. I can go to bed late and be awake a few hours later. The other day I had an anxiety attack and went to bed at 5.00 in the morning. I was awake again at 8.00.

Lately all the feelings I had since my last post are still there but in a lesser degree. The pressure in my chest is gone. Well, today (actually right now) I started to feel it again. That's the main reason for writing  To see if it goes away.

I feel like something is missing. I'm missing something, maybe I miss being on the road? Maybe I miss being in Europe. Maybe I miss someone? For sure. All this combined with the disappointment I feel is not a good combination. I hope that all of this change this. Well, I'm not sitting on my ass and wait to change by itself, I know I need to make that change happen. I'm starting. Slowly but I think I'm succeeding  The first month basically I was revolving in my own misery but I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I touched bottom but like a good friend of mine told me "once you reach the bottom, use it to push it as strong as you can to back to the surface"  (or something like that, she said in Spanish). That's what I did. I dragged myself out of the house. Now, I'm happy to tell that almost everyday I'm going out at least for a few hours. I'm changing environment. It's not just the TV/PC combo I was used. I still have learn to stay out more but I'm so paranoid of riding buses late that I don't like to take the bus back home later than 16.00. What I do sometimes is just take the book I'm currently reading (Guatemalan author) and go to a small park near my mum's house and read a few chapters. Well, to tell you the truth, I've only done that once. But I think I'm making progress.

The pressure is going away, I think. So writing actually works! I know this is a travel blog or at least that's what I think, so I apologize for expressing what I'm going through at the moment. This is my therapy, my self prescribed medicine, and it's working!

So, don't get angry if you read me more often!

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