Friday, September 25, 2015

The longest week...

Never in my life have I been so stressed out. I think the last time a week went by this slow was when I was 10 and it was before Christmas because I wanted to open the presents. When I woke up on Tuesday, I thought it was Thursday for fuck's sake!

I have been under a lot of stress lately due to the fact that I'm coming back home and I don't know what to expect. Last three times was not as good as I expected. This time tho, it looks promising.

I have a lot of shit going through my head right now. Like I said in the previous post, I was supposed to be México right not. But I'm not. I'm not even going! For fuck's sake, why everything is going wrong? It's been wall after wall after wall. But I managed to tear down those fucking wall with the help of my friends. 

Tonight is my last night in Graná. I feel weird. I cannot believe that I'm actually leaving. I know I said this before: "I'm leaving", but this time is for real. Last year I went to Lithuania, Europe. In march I went to Portugal, next door neighbor. This time tho, I would take me 12 fucking hours of flying! 

Part of me wants to stay, but I have to go back. I need to go back. I want to go back. I will for sure have cultural shock (written about this a few years ago, I tried to find the link but I couldn't). Anyways, in the wise words of Mr. Bob Marley: "everything's gonna be alright". I know so.

I'm sitting in the living room/dining room/kitchen. Liter of Alhambra. Trying not to cry. Failed. Trying to come up with some sane words. I have a lot of feelings right now. Words seem to be not enough express what I'm feeling right now. Another glass of beer. Vodka Juniors in the background, always. I still fantasize being in their concert in Portugal. Never going to happen unless I go to Greece. Fuck, I love their music! They are really dedicated to their music: they just released a triple album (45 songs) and they made the album available free online! Respect! Maybe I should get another liter. No, maybe not.

A couple of years ago I discovered that I write less crap when I'm drinking. I don't think is working today. My mind drifts away. I start doing other stuff, pour myself another glass of Alhambra. Try to write some more.

I should be already in Latin America but I'm not. I'm going back in two days. I know everything will work out. I need to find a job. I need to put my mind to work. Everybody else seem to do so well doing that but me, shite. I always have a tough time doing that. A few years ago someone suggested to plant some flowers. I don't have a garden back home.

Don't know what else to write. I have a lot in my head but I cannot put it into words. It's not the first time this has happened. I should pack. Maybe I'm being paranoid but I should really pack so tomorrow I can just wake up and go to Madrid. I need to print the boarding pass. I have to print the boarding pass. I cannot afford to miss that stupid flight. Stupid visas. Stupid borders.

What am I going to do the first days in Guatemala? I have no fucking clue. Catch up with mum obviously but aside from that I don't know. Being by myself is what kills me. And to top that, I arrive on a Sunday evening, the worst day possible I think., Everybody has to work the next day. We'll see (Russian accent).

I think I'm starting to write bullshit. Not that I didn't write that before but now it's coming out in bigger quantities. Maybe I should stop.  A liter a post, not bad I would say. I've done everything I need to get done this morning. I still need to pack but I did laundry this morning but by now it should be dry. I have to pack.

Don't know. Maybe expect the next contact from the other side? Maybe I will come up with some more crap before crossing the pond.

I'm going to have one last beer at Hamelin tonight with lovely people. That's nice.

One good thing tho. I am going to meet some of my good friends in Guatemala...

1 comment:

Luke Ivory said...

You seem to be a more stressed out than me and I'm the stupid gringo getting robbed by the police! I'll see you soon.