Tuesday, December 11, 2012

evening shift's philosophical thinking

Eventhough I'm publishing this entry in the morning, I wrote the draft during an evening shift. That being said... lately I have been writing not only about travelling but, I don't know, maybe about life? I think that from now on the blog is going to be about experiences; life experiences to be exact. Life likes to bitch-slap me, so when it does, which is quite often, I'm going to write about it. About that and travelling.

"How did I get here?" I ask myself that question often. The answer is: I don't know. A couple of months ago, some guy I met told me that he could only wish to travel as much as I do. I asked him why he doesn't. Many times people tell me that they don't have time or money or they have studies or whatever other reason. His answer was "because I'm afraid". Am I not afraid? I'm scared shitless of what may lay ahead of me! I have never been more afraid of the future than now. Perhaps I was not afraid at the beginning, I would say I was more anxious than afraid. Once I left my comfort zone everything was alright. I'm still out of the zone, but I'm terrified.

Not long ago I asked myself why am I here? If I mean Europe then I do (and don't) have an answer for that. In the general context, unfortunately, I don't have an answer. Sometimes I even ask myself why am I still here? I need to figure out what to do with my life, what's my "mission" in this fucked up world I live in. Last year I learnt the hard way to follow what I like, what feel I passionate for, what I love. I think I learnt the lesson, that's why I'm here, but now that I'm doing that, it's very fucking hard.

The other day I was talking to a guy and while looking at some photos I'm in in the common room he said "you look happy in these pictures"... I can't smile anymore, not like before at least.Why? Why is the pursuit of happiness has to be so fucking hard? Travelling used to make me happy. Now is just not entirely fulfilling my life. I will (try to) change that very soon.

Why am I still a shadow following a sun I will never catch... or will I someday?

Will I ever learn the lessons, whatever lessons I may have to learn?

Will I give up and be a conformist or will I fight for what I like, what I feel passionate for, what I love?

Too many questions for one single evening and I don't have the answers to many of them, only for one...


Eva Stiefelhagen said...

Ron, i think youre doing fine! Everytime i read your blog i feel inspired by the way you are living your life! Although you are terrified, it doesn't stop you from travelling. You show people what it is to make a journey. you are not holding on to (fake) securities as "i can't travel bcause of my job" or "i dont have money to travel"
By making a journey you are expierencing that its nog always fun and that you are terrified but please let youre excitement win from fear. Don't follow the sun; BE THE SUN!

Charlotte Acrobat said...

Interesting, Mike was thinking about similar things the other night.


ricbee said...

I have a friend that is going to walk 484 miles next Spring in northern Spain without any money. Now that's fearless.

ron said...

Thank you for your comments, they mean a lot to me

frida samuelsson said...


Anonymous said...

the truth is that i've been wondering for a while now if you're travelling just to be travelling, without any goal, or to be getting yourself lost, or to escape from something. if you're not happy anymore doing what you do, just give it a shift ;) maybe trying to settle new goals in your life, maybe not stopping the travel thing, but giving it a clear middle-term direction that motivates you and makes you happy? Emilie. big hug from France!

Anonymous said...

Ronny Ronaldson. you the man. keep on keepin on.