wonderland

Not really sure why it's been so hard to write lately. This is the third time I attempt to write this entry. If you're reading it, third time was the charm.

After reading a friend's post I realized  that not until wonderland is inside my head I will never be physically in wonderland. No matter where I go, no matter where I will be, "wonderland is a place in the mind". Wonderland is finally in my mind (and I want to keep it there) and as much as I like(d) re-reading the last chapter of my life it's time to start a new one, time to "wipe everything clean and start all over". Not wipe everything but store the memories in the "beautiful memories" vault. I will treasure them. Always.

Coincidentally I wrote this words on Dec. 21st. The shortest day of year. "The end of the world" to some (not going to comment on this). A normal day to most of us. But seemed appropriate to turn the page. The Mayans said it was the end of a cycle. It was the end of my cycle. It's still hard to accept the fact that the cycle came to an end.

I don't know where this chapter, this new cycle will take me. For now I'm going to spend a white Christmas

evening shift's philosophical thinking

Eventhough I'm publishing this entry in the morning, I wrote the draft during an evening shift. That being said... lately I have been writing not only about travelling but, I don't know, maybe about life? I think that from now on the blog is going to be about experiences; life experiences to be exact. Life likes to bitch-slap me, so when it does, which is quite often, I'm going to write about it. About that and travelling.

"How did I get here?" I ask myself that question often. The answer is: I don't know. A couple of months ago, some guy I met told me that he could only wish to travel as much as I do. I asked him why he doesn't. Many times people tell me that they don't have time or money or they have studies or whatever other reason. His answer was "because I'm afraid". Am I not afraid? I'm scared shitless of what may lay ahead of me! I have never been more afraid of the future than now. Perhaps I was not afraid at the beginning, I would say I was more anxious than afraid. Once I left my comfort zone everything was alright. I'm still out of the zone, but I'm terrified.

Not long ago I asked myself why am I here? If I mean Europe then I do (and don't) have an answer for that. In the general context, unfortunately, I don't have an answer. Sometimes I even ask myself why am I still here? I need to figure out what to do with my life, what's my "mission" in this fucked up world I live in. Last year I learnt the hard way to follow what I like, what feel I passionate for, what I love. I think I learnt the lesson, that's why I'm here, but now that I'm doing that, it's very fucking hard.

The other day I was talking to a guy and while looking at some photos I'm in in the common room he said "you look happy in these pictures"... I can't smile anymore, not like before at least.Why? Why is the pursuit of happiness has to be so fucking hard? Travelling used to make me happy. Now is just not entirely fulfilling my life. I will (try to) change that very soon.

Why am I still a shadow following a sun I will never catch... or will I someday?

Will I ever learn the lessons, whatever lessons I may have to learn?

Will I give up and be a conformist or will I fight for what I like, what I feel passionate for, what I love?

Too many questions for one single evening and I don't have the answers to many of them, only for one...

The Art of Travel?

The other day I watched The Art of Travel and after watching it I had so many things in my head that I didn't know how to write them or where to start.

First of all, after watching the movie I have mixed feelings. I liked the movie, you should watch it. Mixed feelings I said? From one hand I would like to start travelling again and get lost somewhere away from everything and everybody I know. But on the other hand I'm still very much in love with the idea of settling somewhere and staying for a while.

"the only thing that matters in life is the people that you love, the hugs, the kisses (...), the actions we don't think about". Absolutely right! The best things in life are the simple things, the things we take for granted. I always cared about the people I love, sometimes in my own way but I cared, I still care. But it took me sometime to cared ONLY about them. There is no one or anything more important than them. 

"the art of travel is to deviate from one's plan". I always traveled without a plan so I had nothing to deviate from. But what happens when you do have a plan you don't want to deviate from, a plan that won't happen? 

I don't remember who introduced me to the band Vodka Juniors, it's a great band. One of their songs goes like this "like shadows in the sunshine, chasing the sun". Will I ever catch my sun?

I wanted to write more and I still have so many things inside my little head but I don't know how to put them "on paper", so I'll finish with this quote:

"if she's amazing, she won't be easy.

if she's easy, she's not amazing.

if she's worth it, you won't give up.

if you give up, you're not worthy.

truth is that everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

- Bob Marley

Is life trying to teach something right now or is it a coincidence?