Hasta la vista... Tallinn

Found this quote written inside a book the other day:

"here I am.
life has taken an interesting curve.
my past known.
my future unknown...

the present, is up to me."

Is this life trying to play a joke on me, again? Because I had quite an interesting, intense and most of all, lovely last week in Tallinn.

My life has taken a sudden and interesting curve. I mean I'm happy but I'm not going to get carried away. It's time to take things slowly, to swim with the tide, to go with the flow. Once again Tallinn and its lovely people welcomed me. Once again working at the Alur (and its new for me staff) welcomed me again. Once againn I met awesome people and sadly once again I'm leaving.

I wrote before that one of the least things I noticed that changed in Tallinn is the weather. A lot has changed but I realized that it was me who mainly changed. Last year I wrote this about Tallinn: "(...) but chances are that I'm going to end up there drinking my life away." I'm happy to tell you that this in fact didn't happen. Maybe a few weeks ago I was drinking but then things happened and I stopped. I actually didn't drink my last night in Tallinn.

Tallinn has joined the list of places that apparently I can't be too far away from. The list includes Praha, Krakow and Belgium. So for this I won't say good-bye but hasta la vista... Tallinn.

Oh my... Estonia! (revisited)

So many things have changed since the last time I was in Estonia, specially me. Circumstances made change in this country. Doesn't seem far long ago but it was more than a year ago the last time I was here. The weather is the least difference I noticed this second time around.

One thing that has definitely not changed is the good people I keep meeting while working in the hostel. That is one of the perks that comes with the job. I'm really looking forward to meet some of them really soon.

This is not my first European winter and knowing me, I'm sure it won't be the last. The last time I was around during winter time I always wore several layers to protect me from the cold, not anymore. Am I becoming used to the harsh (compared to Guatemala) winter conditions? Maybe I am!

Every good thing has to come to an end so once again my time in Estonia is about to come to an end. How far will I be away this time...? I don't have an answer for that. I was offered a job on board a sailboat for this coming summer, the job is to help around the ship while cruising the Baltic Sea. Very tempting. There's also this year's Roskilde. BUT, as tempting as the offer is there are hundreds of other countries I want to take my Spaghetti legs to.

Unfortunetaly for all that travel you need a necessary evil: money. I can hitchhike between countries, I can dumpster dive but there's one thing politicians invented: visas. Fucking visas! On top of that I have a couple of commitments I have to honor. That's why I decided to finally go to the UK. This is my fourth or fifth time in Europe and I always avoided going there. Not anymore. I have so many friends I want to visit there. Some of them I haven't seen since 2009! I'm overcoming the fear of going there the same way I overcame the fear of flying in the window seat, by forcing me to do it. Besides, I'm up to my 50th stamp in my passport, that definitely have to help... I think!

I'll be on the road again in about two weeks. In two weeks I will feel alive again, on the move again. Visiting people I have yet to visit. Visiting new friends I made here in Estonia (looking forward to this). Meeting new friends along the way.

Keep on thumbing in the free world and see you soon!

wonderland

Not really sure why it's been so hard to write lately. This is the third time I attempt to write this entry. If you're reading it, third time was the charm.

After reading a friend's post I realized  that not until wonderland is inside my head I will never be physically in wonderland. No matter where I go, no matter where I will be, "wonderland is a place in the mind". Wonderland is finally in my mind (and I want to keep it there) and as much as I like(d) re-reading the last chapter of my life it's time to start a new one, time to "wipe everything clean and start all over". Not wipe everything but store the memories in the "beautiful memories" vault. I will treasure them. Always.

Coincidentally I wrote this words on Dec. 21st. The shortest day of year. "The end of the world" to some (not going to comment on this). A normal day to most of us. But seemed appropriate to turn the page. The Mayans said it was the end of a cycle. It was the end of my cycle. It's still hard to accept the fact that the cycle came to an end.

I don't know where this chapter, this new cycle will take me. For now I'm going to spend a white Christmas

evening shift's philosophical thinking

Eventhough I'm publishing this entry in the morning, I wrote the draft during an evening shift. That being said... lately I have been writing not only about travelling but, I don't know, maybe about life? I think that from now on the blog is going to be about experiences; life experiences to be exact. Life likes to bitch-slap me, so when it does, which is quite often, I'm going to write about it. About that and travelling.

"How did I get here?" I ask myself that question often. The answer is: I don't know. A couple of months ago, some guy I met told me that he could only wish to travel as much as I do. I asked him why he doesn't. Many times people tell me that they don't have time or money or they have studies or whatever other reason. His answer was "because I'm afraid". Am I not afraid? I'm scared shitless of what may lay ahead of me! I have never been more afraid of the future than now. Perhaps I was not afraid at the beginning, I would say I was more anxious than afraid. Once I left my comfort zone everything was alright. I'm still out of the zone, but I'm terrified.

Not long ago I asked myself why am I here? If I mean Europe then I do (and don't) have an answer for that. In the general context, unfortunately, I don't have an answer. Sometimes I even ask myself why am I still here? I need to figure out what to do with my life, what's my "mission" in this fucked up world I live in. Last year I learnt the hard way to follow what I like, what feel I passionate for, what I love. I think I learnt the lesson, that's why I'm here, but now that I'm doing that, it's very fucking hard.

The other day I was talking to a guy and while looking at some photos I'm in in the common room he said "you look happy in these pictures"... I can't smile anymore, not like before at least.Why? Why is the pursuit of happiness has to be so fucking hard? Travelling used to make me happy. Now is just not entirely fulfilling my life. I will (try to) change that very soon.

Why am I still a shadow following a sun I will never catch... or will I someday?

Will I ever learn the lessons, whatever lessons I may have to learn?

Will I give up and be a conformist or will I fight for what I like, what I feel passionate for, what I love?

Too many questions for one single evening and I don't have the answers to many of them, only for one...

The Art of Travel?

The other day I watched The Art of Travel and after watching it I had so many things in my head that I didn't know how to write them or where to start.

First of all, after watching the movie I have mixed feelings. I liked the movie, you should watch it. Mixed feelings I said? From one hand I would like to start travelling again and get lost somewhere away from everything and everybody I know. But on the other hand I'm still very much in love with the idea of settling somewhere and staying for a while.

"the only thing that matters in life is the people that you love, the hugs, the kisses (...), the actions we don't think about". Absolutely right! The best things in life are the simple things, the things we take for granted. I always cared about the people I love, sometimes in my own way but I cared, I still care. But it took me sometime to cared ONLY about them. There is no one or anything more important than them. 

"the art of travel is to deviate from one's plan". I always traveled without a plan so I had nothing to deviate from. But what happens when you do have a plan you don't want to deviate from, a plan that won't happen? 

I don't remember who introduced me to the band Vodka Juniors, it's a great band. One of their songs goes like this "like shadows in the sunshine, chasing the sun". Will I ever catch my sun?

I wanted to write more and I still have so many things inside my little head but I don't know how to put them "on paper", so I'll finish with this quote:

"if she's amazing, she won't be easy.

if she's easy, she's not amazing.

if she's worth it, you won't give up.

if you give up, you're not worthy.

truth is that everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."

- Bob Marley

Is life trying to teach something right now or is it a coincidence?